Smoking and making out are completely different
by XxabridgedgirlyxX
Summary: Looking for a place to smoke, Hijikata ends up at the Yorozuya. But in the end, it seems the world just hates him. HijiGin one-shot


**Woosh! Here I am again! I forced myself to make my homework first and then start writing, but yeah. The homework's probably going to suck because I made it as fast a possible to get it over with. Meh, who cares. I should be studying now for my test Monday but you know, my keyboard just calls me! Unfortunately it isn't English so I'll have to study for once. Anyway, I was going to do a hurt/comfort one but I just can't, it's against my nature! xD**

**Also, you better watch ep 119 before reading this. For those who are too la- I mean for those who can't watch it, Edo just has a non-smoking policy, this also takes place after Hijikata's Dragon**** adventure. The ban is still there and Hiji's pissed.**

**Happy birthday Hijikata Toushirou! (in about three days)**

**Pairing: Hijikata x Gintoki**

**Warnings: Nicotine, Captain Katsura, pink hairclips and again, implied sex…**

**Disclaimer: I always forget this; I do not own Gintama, I would be too scared of Okita…**

"talk"

'_thoughts'_

**Enjoy! *****Muhahahaha!***

* * *

**Smoking and making out are two completely different things**

He sighed and lay back on the cool tiles of his roof, arms folded behind his head. It was still spring but the sakura trees had already lost all of their blossoms and it was slowly getting warmer with each passing day. He felt a strong wind play with his hair and silver curls fell over his eyes. He ran a hand through his hair and succeeded in uncovering his eyes, only to have them fall back a few seconds later. He sighed and took some pink hairclips out of his kimono and held back the silver bangs with four of them.

'_They're kinda idiotic, but yeah. This is my roof, who would come by here?'_

He felt the need to hit his head against something when suddenly Katsura jumped over from seemingly another roof, followed closely by the still unidentified being, Elizabeth. Gintoki wondered just where that idiot Tatsuma had found such a creature, it was out of this world.

"Gintoki!" Katsura's voice made Gin look up from his thoughts and back to the self-proclaimed saver of this country, eyes halfway open, revealing his dark red eyes that showed utter boredom and annoyance.

'_Just typical. I should stop thinking those things.' _He mentally cursed himself for even thinking that he could have a moment of peace in this twisted world of fanfiction and greeted the terrorist.

"Zura."

"Zura janai! Katsura da!"

"Mmh."

"What's with those hairclips Gintoki? Have you run over to the other side!?" Katsura pointed at the pink menaces that where very bright in contrast to the silver hair and looked completely horrified and equally shocked.

"None of your business you annoying idiot." Was the reply and the other lay back down, eyes closed.

"Annoying idiot janai! Zur- Oh messed up. Katsura da!"

Gintoki ignored the angry reply and opened one of his eyes to look at the terrorist. He looked with some curiousity at Katsura's long and apparently smoking hair together with the slight torn up clothes. Even Elizabeth had a few cuts and Gin could swear he saw something inside the Amanto-like creature but dismissed it as another phenomenon in his rather strange life full of perms, aliens and strawberry milk.

He quickly did the math, just in time to see a rocket passing right above his head. His suspicions where confirmed when the third in command of the Shinsengumi, Captain Okita Sougou, stood on the roof next to his, bazooka on his shoulder, mask resting on his forehead, followed by a whole horde of men.

'_How can a roof even support so many?' _Both Gin and Katsura thought, finally agreeing on something.

"Katsura, we're arresting you." He said in his usual bored and monotone voice, massaging his shoulder a bit where the bazooka had rested before, muttering something. "Ah, stiff shoulders."

"Gintoki, I must ask you a favour in these hard times." Katsura turned to his friend and said it with a serious voice, noting with some anger that the silver haired samurai was just laying completely relaxed with his eyes closed.

"Just do whatever you want if it would stop you from annoying me." He said, anger clearly dripping of his voice.

"Fine then," Katsura shouted in an enthusiastic voice, "Be proud that you have assisted with the escape of the one who will save this country." Katsura's voice grew even louder and he jumped of the roof, using Elizabeth as a parachute.

'_My roof's not that high.' _Gintoki thought and enjoyed the blissful silence that came with his leave.

"Danna!"

'_Dammit, they're still here.'_ He winked at the sound of that voice and opened both of his eyes to look up at the face of … katana's?

"We're arresting you for helping a Joui member escape." He sat up and sighed as all the Shinsengumi members, save for Okita, had their swords, or in Yamazaki's case their badminton rackets, pointed at him.

"Oi, oi! You're letting the real culprit escape."

All heads of the Shinsengumi members turned when they heard laughter come from the street and looked to see Katsura escape on Gin's bike.

"I shall return!" Elizabeth was driving and Katsura was standing right up on the other seat, only to be knocked down by the sign of a barber shop, red blood flowing out his nose. Elizabeth caught the now unconscious Katsura and proceeded to drive further into the streets of Edo.

"You better give that back Zura!" Gin stood up and yelled so that even in his current state Katsura could hear him.

"Chase him!" The Shinsengumi jumped one by one of Gin's roof, ran down the wooden stairs and gave chase to the stolen silver bike on foot since they had lost their police cars somewhere along the way.

"Don't worry Danna," Okita turned to the angered man who was currently shouting curses at his former comrade, "We won't arrest you."

Gin stopped his ranting and looked at Okita with a slight look of surprise on his face, the sadist was probably one of the few that understood his position in this whole mess, even if it was just a bit.

"Yeah, thanks." He said with a sigh, scratching the back of his neck a bit and closed his eyes.

"But, Danna?"

"Yeah?"

"Why pink?"

"Give it a rest already!"

He pulled the offending items out of his hair, threw them on his roof and continued to crush them with his left foot. Okita rested the bazooka on his other shoulder and pulled his mask over his eyes.

"See you, Danna. Say 'hey' to Hijikata-san for me." With that he jumped of his roof and launched another rocket before confiscating a car from a harmless citizen and giving chase to Katsura, imitating the sound of a siren with his voice as he sped through the streets of Edo.

'_What would Oogushi-kun be doing here?' _He thought and lay back down. The sun felt warm on his skin and before he realised it, he fell asleep.

* * *

"Oi, wake up." He heard a familiar voice call him but refused to open his eyes.

"Oi."

"Gin-san's not available, leave a message after the beep please." Gin said with a high pitched voice, eyes still closed.

Hijikata's right eye twitched and an anger mark decorated his face.

"Beep."

"Wake up already you fucking bastard!" Hijikata finally lost his patience and kicked as hard as he could in Gin's right side. Gin felt a sandal painfully connect with his side and gave little yelp, pain searing through his left side.

"What the hell was that for!?" He asked angry, sitting up immediately after the assault,giving the attacker a dead glare.

"You wouldn't wake up." Hijikata said with a bored tone, "When someone pays you a visit you could at least be awake." Gin looked over at him and noticed with some glee that Hijikata was dressed in his black yukata, meaning that he was off duty.

"Oh my, has Hijikata come over to play?" Gin asked, unable to keep the grin off of his face.

"Like I would want to play with you!" Hijikata replied angry at the perm, not really wanting to know what he was implying, although some part of him wouldn't really mind.

* * *

"So," Gin sat in the sofa closest to the television, Hijikata was seated in the other one, "You just came here so you could get a smoke?" Gin asked with a dumbfounded look.

"Yeah," Gin wondered how he could talk with a cigarette between his lips, "Something like that." He inhaled and blew the smoke back out, enjoying the nicotine boost that he deserved. Ever since Edo had become a 'non-smoking' zone, he had to travel to faraway planets to even get the chance to light up one. Even then, he was prevented from smoking by dragons, slimey-slimey balls and weird characters in orange suits.

Gin watched Hijikta's face go from annoyed to disgusted and back to annoyed.

"You should quit, smoking is really bad for you."

"Nah, I tried to replace it with a lolly but it didn't really work." He admitted with some shame, "They didn't have mayo-favoured so…" Now it was Gin's time to be utterly disgusted at the thought of a nice and sweet lolly with mayonnaise flavour. He unwrapped a lolly from his secret stack (aka his yukata) and popped it in his mouth, savouring the sweet taste.

"Why do you think you can go smoking here when it prohibited in Edo?" Gin asked, the lolly making his speech sound a little weird.

"You're a Yorozuya, if a pay you, you do whatever I want you to do, right?" He didn't wait for an answer and continued. "So if I pay you to endure my smoking, I can smoke whenever I want." He inhaled again and looked at the other who was leaning back in his couch.

"Yeah, yeah," He shifted and lay down on his couch, lolly now resting in the paper on the table, "But what about payment?" He closed his eyes and waited for an answer.

Hijikata stood up and lay his cigarette in the ashtray without putting it out and walked over to the other couch. Gin was about to open his eyes when he felt something on top of him, but stopped as he felt Hijikata bow over and place his lips on his own.

"It's payment." Hijikata said between kisses and started to unbuckle the other's belt with his right hand. A small part in Gin wondered what had caused the change in attitude but the other part screamed at him to keep going.

"Ohayo, Gin-chan!" A female voice called from outside the door. A few seconds later, it opened to reveal both Kagura and Shinpachi, the oldest carrying two shopping bags. Shinpachi looked in the room to find the two men each sitting in a couch opposite of each other, both breathing a bit hard, eyes closed and Gin was…

"Gin-san?"

"Mmh?"

"Why are you smoking?"

Gin opened his eyes and looked a bit stupefied at the cigarette between his lips. He looked over to Hijikata and saw that he also had a look of confusion on his face because of the cigarette substitute.

'_Damn, we mixed them up!' _They thought simultaneously, both starting to sweat.

"Gin-chan!" They snapped out of their thought at the sound of Kagura's voice.

"Is this how I raised my son? Have I learned you to smoke like a delinquent?" Kagura started, making Hijikata glare a bit at the last.

"It would've been better if I never brought you in this world!"

"Okaa-san!?"

Shinpachi just stared as Kagura ran outside crying about that 'her son was a delinquent just like his father' and 'that all men where the same'. With a sigh, he went over to the kitchen and closed the door behind him.

As soon as the door had closed, Hijikata and Gin quickly switched items.

"Yeah, you might not wanna eat that anymore." Hijikata said as he inhaled deeply before putting the cigarette out in the ashtray.

"What are you talking about? It tastes even better now." Hijikata slightly gulped as he saw Gin lick the candy before putting it back in his mouth again. He tried to ignore him and lighted up another cigarette to calm himself, as soon as the brat was gone, he could do whatever he wanted.

He could swear the silver haired bastard was making fun off him.

He went back to the other couch and pinned the other under him, diving in for a kiss, but was stopped by Gin's index finger holding him back, whispering something in his ear.

"The kid's still here."

"Screw the brat!" He hissed back.

"I know you're impatient but please, give it some time and you'll be screwing something better."

"You fully know what I mean."

Gin enjoyed this game of pestering Hijikata. He knew the other was at his limit of restraining himself and he couldn't help but laugh at the vice-commander's discomfort as he went to sit back in the other couch. He heard the door of the kitchen open again.

Shinpachi entered the room and found that Hijikata was even breathing harder than before, he guessed he and Gin had a fight again but couldn't help his curiosity.

"Ne, Gin-san," Shinpachi said, taking his eyes of the smoker and back to his 'boss', " Is Kagura-chan back yet?"

Gin took the lolly out of his mouth to inspect it and watched Hijikata growing more uncomfortable with each passing second. He looked back up as he heard Shinpachi's voice calling out to him.

"No, she's probably drowning her sorrows in that 'Oronamin C' of hers." Gin stated, putting the lolly back in his mouth, fully enjoying the glare Hijikata was giving him.

Shinpachi didn't seem to notice the angry-demon aura that Hijikata was giving off and announced that he was going to search for Kagura-chan outside and that he was taking Sadaharu with him. As soon as Shinpachi was out the door, Gintoki was pinned under Hijikata, the latter currently undoing his robes.

"Oi, oi. Someone's impatient h-" But didn't finish his sentence anymore as his mouth was preoccupied by something else. He felt his yukata slip off his left shoulder and Hijikata was almost finished with his black shirt when they heard a familiar, at least to Gintoki, voice. The door opened, someone stepped in and closed the door behind him.

Gintoki was indeed sure Kami had forsaken him.

'_Zura what the hell are you doing here!? An even in that ridiculous pirate costume of yours!' _He screamed in his mind, and looked behind the couch where Hijikata had ducked behind just in time. He swore he could feel Hijikata's anger increase by a tenfold.

'_Zura janai, Captain Katsura da!' _Katsura corrected him, even if it was in his thoughts.

Gin felt like he would hit his head against something and was sure he would kill himself one of these days. He had the demon vice-commander of the Shinsengumi hidden behind his couch and the most wanted terrorist dressed up as a pirate in the same room. This just couldn't be happening.

"They have not recognised me!" Katsura proclaimed with a pride tone in his voice, "I am indeed a master of disguise."

'_The Shinsengumi are just idiots.' _He thought with a slight sweat drop and looked in horror as Katsura, the most wanted terrorist next to Takasugi, make his way to his couch, where currently Hijikata, demon vice-commmander of the Shinsengumi, was crouched behind.

"Couch is occupied." He said and quickly lay down on the couch, preventing Katsura from sitting down.

"Is this because of your bike?"

"Yes and no."

"Why no?"

"You just annoy me."

"But Gintoki, how can you hate me!?" Katsura had a knack for acting dramatic and Gin felt even more need to kick him out of the door. "We fought together in.. Mmpfh!" Gin had his right hand covering Katsura's mouth, not really wanting to explain his whole personal history to the third person in the room. He suddenly heard a strange noise but didn't release Katsura.

"Do you hear something?"

"Mmpf!" Katsura shook his head, unable to reply in his native language.

"Now you just have to hear it, some sort of whistling sound…"

'_Damn.'_

He jumped away just in time to see a rocket fly right through his door, and then hitting the window.

"It's the Shinsengumi, Katsura. Give up already." Okita said through his speaker, making his voice sound louder than necessary.

"Ikumatsu-dono! I shall come to you!" Katsura jumped out of the now open by explosion window, unaware that he was giving away his plans.

'_Idiot.' _Was the only thing Gintoki thought as he watched Katsura escape for the second time that day on his expenses.

"What should we do Captain?" Yamazaki asked Okita, 'minton racket in hand.

"Chase him." He replied to Yamazaki, almost making him deaf because of the speaker he was using.

All Shinsengumi members jumped out of Gin's window one by one, Yamazaki going first to check if it wasn't too high to jump. Okita watched the last of his men jump out of the window and turned to Gin.

"What about my door and window?" Gin asked annoyed, pointing at the openings in his living room/office.

"Well, there already were two holes there before the explosion, Danna."

"That's not the point here." He replied angry, gritting his teeth.

"Don't worry, Hijikata-san will pay for it."

"Like hell I will!" Hijikata jumped up from hiding and replied angry to Okita.

Gin brought his hand to his face.

'_Idiot.'_

"Ah, Hijikata-san! Enjoying your day off?" Not waiting for an answer, he added that he needed to work some more and jumped out of the window with a little wave, lecturing them that they should always do it safe.

Hiijikata just stared dumbfounded at the window and then grabbed Gintoki's wrist, dragging him over to the bedroom.

* * *

"Hijikata-san," Sougou slashed his katana down and Hijikata skilfully dodged to the right, "You've been in a good mood lately, even with the smoking ban." Hijikata continued to patrol while Sougou continued to slash.

"Could your," Sougou's katana come from the right, Hijikata ducked under it, "Recent visit to Danna have anything to do with it?" Hijikata got back up from the ground and dusted himself off a bit.

"Of course," He paused a bit, "It's the only place where I can smoke."

"And the only place where you are getting some." Sougou stated dryly, voice still monotone.

A black shadow covered Hijikata's eyes and several anger marks were visible on his face.

"When I see that bastard, he's going to get the beating of his life." Hijikata muttered, angered by the fact that his subordinate knew about his relation.

"S&M too Hijikata-san? I never saw you as the type for it! I could learn you how to do a double…"

Hijikata just ignored him, stomped away and smashed Yamazaki's badminton racket somewhere along the way.

'_Ah, so frustrated.' _

* * *

**Phew, that was it! I don't know why but I just had to have Captain Katsura in there, I found this really cool icon on LJ with it and it's hilarious! I love the 'maybe driving' episode, so full of crack! About the fic, I don't write Kagura enough. I just can't seem to write a fic that has a big role in it for her. Oh well, I hope you enjoyed it anyway! I had typed this out but suddenly deleted a whole part of it because it sucked, so this was a bit later than planned. Also to those wo are reading my GinTae collection, I have an idea and will try to find some time to write.**

**Review and have a cookie baked by Okita himself ^^**


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